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How lost can I get!

Disclaimer: This blog has appeared in multiply under a different title.. i am admitting to plagiarising myself.

I googled myself.. Ha ha ha ha... can say sooo corny and full of myself.. true true.. but I did it because there was a recent story at my work place about people with a fake PhD. It made me think this person could have been me... my fear is...

I started asking myself why I worried that my PhD could have been fake.. it could only happen if I have been living a lie for the pass 5 years... well you know maybe too much sci-fi films and a bit removed from being myself for the pass one year.. it made me doubt that I was really that person who got all these things done.. It just sounds tooo good to be true... self doubt la.. true or not...

I know this is the first blog I have written for BLOODY AGES... but today I found somethings that I just have to note down so I dont forget it! and for people to remind me... especially my friends... I miss you guys... been soo awfully bz with work.. damn..

This morning I came to work late.. and my students came to see me about a mistake in their midterm.. ADUH.... I checked and checked.. hmm ya la.. my mistake.. but my students were sooo sweet.. when i owned to my mistake.. they were trying to cover up for me.. told them.. it is okay.. i need to learn.. sooo my self esteem suffered a bit.. duh.. (was told later by the head of program that everyone makes mistakes and other people had bigger mistakes in their question.. made me feel better).. Next another colleague cornered me into having coffee with them.. they reminded me of my so called HE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED.. who is said to not have his phd... has a job somewhere in a high post out of uni now.. hmmmm on top of that I was also told that I was one of those people who's thesis did not come up in a search... (In my heart i was screaming.. but i did do my phd.. and i was not dreaming it up) but i just stayed cool and say uh.. really? strange... but u know la.. i was really worried that i have dreamt all my pass up.. and i am living a lie... so I googled my name la.. and guess what... hahahhaha I got lotsa links to my name... try it

one of them is this one and it made me laugh out loud... coz it reminded me of myself in uni
http://www.form-eng.bham.ac.uk/scp/catalysis/mansa.htm

another is one with my picture
http://www.bham.ac.uk/about/
jadi model... GEEK MODEL pun boleh la... hahhahaha

another one with my bum in it
http://www.eng.bham.ac.uk/headstart/images/2003/HSWebsite/pages/017%20Rachel%20Mansa%20leads%20the%20way%20to%20campus_JPG.htm

okay now I have enough proof that I am me... SAD SAD SAD... now I ask... why what happen to me... why do I have to google to realize who I am... WHY?????

I think I miss my life in the UK a lot a lot a lot a lot... or is it I miss my friends??? or I miss that type of life... it is soo different living back in Malaysia now... there is sooo many things to look out for here compared to there.. There I could just live and be damn with what people think.. here I have to consistently watch my back.. so to be ready for back stabbers.. .and there is the doubt,.... u see people who dont believe in you... where as in the UK you are never doubted... but they go on how well you presently work... and give you reward by merit.. here you have to be related to some bloody bigshot.. to get noticed.. or maybe brown nose yourself to move forward... THIS IS NOT ME... I am just a person who works hard and tries her best in what she is most passionate about...

forgetting myself worries me.. it worries me a lot.

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